I did something really silly today. I got so scared after yesterdays blackness that I went mad with busy-ness and it was all completely pointless too – nothing really achieved, nothing accomplished. Just mindless reality denying activity. I never learn. All I’ve ended up with is a sense of frustration and annoyance, and being completely shattered. Barely time to talk with anyone, and losing sight of what is important. Back in Bethany last night I got a grip. I need to learn more from Jesus, who is so good at just being, and receiving, as well as all the teaching & giving he does. When that woman burst into Simon’s house and washed his feet, he was so gracious, so gentle. We talked afterwards, while the storm raged round the room about the waste and the cost and the inappropriate actions! He didn’t care about any of that, and he recognised that I needed to slow down, and also just sit & soak up the peace. Being close to him has such peace. It’s like knowing who I am and what I’m meant to be, but wordlessly, neither of us really has to say anything -he knows me so well. It does cause friction though, in a big gang of us it’s bound to – hard to say whether it’s because I’m a girl or not -I think its part of it -here are always people who don’t understand, I know Peter & John get it in the neck too, but I know like me they just feel so completed in this friendship.
Pesach tomorrow -I’ve learnt a lesson and I won’t be rushing round… there’s a few lanky teens round here that could do with the exercise and the occupation 😉